I've been holding on to these pictures for a few days, because I didn't really have a grasp on what I wanted to say with them. They feel somehow wistful to me, and I wasn't sure what to do with that. I just knew I wanted to do it justice.
I love this scarf. I thrifted it last week, and I had to wear it immediately. It has a great western vibe (without going too far into cowgirl) that I find myself drawn to increasingly when I'm shopping for clothes.
Why is that? What is so appealing about that particular aesthetic right now? It definitely has visual intrigue - just look at the pattern on this scarf. You notice something new every time.
Or maybe it's the colors - the rich browns and oranges and blues and greens (in general, not just on the scarf). Sometimes it feels more natural to dress in colors that come straight from the earth, like the clothes are really an extension of creation, instead of something measured and produced by machines.
Ultimately, though, I think it's about all of the ideas that have become intrinsic to "The West" over time. Despite the fact that it has been mostly settled for a while now, there's still this sense of freedom and adventure and purpose that accompanies our collective mental image of "going out west." In fact, it reminds me of a lot of the concepts that are woven into the practice of pilgrimage - something that I spent a lot of time with last year as I applied for a fellowship to study and practice it.
This year, though, I'm not feeling like a pilgrim. On the contrary, I'm feeling pretty stagnant. I've settled into a daily routine - get up, have some coffee, check facebook, go to work, come home for dinner, go to the gym, watch a TV show, go to bed, with a few variations. I may go to small group instead of the gym, or write a blog post or bake biscotti instead of watching TV.
You would think that moving to a new city would be like exploring a new frontier, but it has mostly magnified my restlessness. I guess I’m searching for my pilgrimage here, for that “west” that I can strive toward - something adventurous and purposeful. And I don’t like the thought of losing that to routine.
I don’t have any specific thoughts on this, really, just identifying the general longing to find the journey God has set out for me, even if I’m traveling it from my apartment.
Dressing the part must be the first step
Dressing the part must be the first step
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| jeans/target,shirt/gap,jacket&scarf/thrifted,boots/nine west |
This has become one of those things that I talked about in my first post, something that I want to fold up tightly and hide in my pocket to keep just for me. It feels fragile, like a single wrong word will shatter the truth of it, and maybe letting people read it will do the same thing. But as fun as it is to write about baking pop-tarts and what I'm wearing (and I will continue to do so), these are the kinds of posts that stretch me, that hold the most worth for me, and that share who I am more than the lighter topics.
So despite the fact that I may have a minor panic attack letting this piece of me out, I'm going to let it go anyway. What about you? Do you have a "west" that you're traveling towards right now?
I've long been drawn to the concept of the Old West myself--it's what pulls me toward books like Blood and Thunder and movies like True Grit, what keeps me longing to return to New Mexico and Nevada. (Santa Fe and Las Vegas, respectively, though when I was in Vegas, we drove all over the countryside, out where there was nothing but mountains and scrub and a too-hot sun. Nevada in July is better than you'd think.) Sometimes (particularly during a long, washed-out winter) the colours just seem brighter, more intense; the jewelry's certainly prettier. And the people are undeniably larger than life--there's a theme that runs through most of our knowledge of the Old West that appeals to me hugely, the concept of mythologizing living and breathing people, people who oftentimes didn't want to be made into more than a man or woman. The sound of the story mattered more than the facts, and there's something both appealing and appalling about the idea that people could be so in command of their own destinies in the popular culture. Sure, you have that now, too, but stories about killing rattlesnakes and riding tirelessly across a territory have a little more oomph to me than the celebrity myths we have today. Frederick Jackson Turner might have declared the West closed in 1899, but it still beckons--appealing and appalling on so many levels. We wouldn't keep playing it out in science fiction if it didn't still hold sway over us.
ReplyDeleteI don't really know what my own West is, aside from that one. I've felt adrift for a while now. But I have to believe I'm going towards something, because if I'm not...well, what's the point of any of this?
I have to believe there's a point.
...and now that I've tl;dr-ed incoherently all over your blog, I'll get back to work.
well done, natalie. I don't know if the beauty of your heart could have echoed quiet so stunningly if it had remained a folded thought, stowed in the safety of your pocket. I have no doubt that marvelous journeys lie before you; you've never been the woman to settle.
ReplyDeleteFor a great example of the mythologizing ar described so vividly, watch the movie, The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.
ReplyDeleteAnd as John Wayne would say, "Well, pilgrim..." - even a pilgrimage can have quiet, tedious, difficult times. But you are always growing, always learning about yourself. Especially you!
P.S. I'm so impressed with your transition from formal college writing to such a personal and expressive voice. Keep pushing ahead...